revise the paper

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the p1 d1 is the paper that need to be revise. and the annotated p1 d1 is the paper that commented by professor.


first paragraph. the essay need a background to describe my situation that the basketball story. and a narrow statement about my opinion.

second paragraph. describe that how i work hard and want to get the time to play on the basketball court. and how the coach and the teammate did not allow me to play and how can i speak up to get the chance to play.

third paragraph, this paragraph have to be a transaction. that if i did not speak up, what the result. and how to solve the problem that some people did not speak up and loose the chance to show their talent.

the last paragraph, the conclusion, writing how we can solve this problem in the future. and what the different between speak up and not speak up.

if u have any question, please contact me. and please do not have grammar mistake and do not use too many complete sentences.

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